Forever
by nomnomfood
Summary: There's only so many times you can be broken before you start to put up walls.


Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She was adopted by a young couple who couldn't have children of their own. The couple found the girl in the middle of an open plain. They didn't know who her parents were, if her parents abandoned her or were killed. But the young baby girl lay in that field with no one to take care of her. Had they not found her, she most likely would have been dead within a few days.

So they took her in and raised her as their own.

They named her Matsuyo, a name that symbolized the couple's hopes. The two were living in a tumultuous time, when the current emperor died, and his two eldest sons died in a fire. They wanted the girl to be beneficial to the world. They didn't want a daughter of great beauty, of grace-no they were sensible folk. They wanted someone who could lead them to a new, peaceful era. And they placed their expectations on that small little girl in that name.

* * *

"Matsuyo."

"Yes, father?"

"You know the rules." The man of barely thirty smiled at the small child, nodded then walked away towards the emperor.

Indeed, Matsuyo knew the rules well. She had lived in the palace for just about a month now. Her father had recently been appointed to a position that required close quarters with the emperor. As a result, he and his family were allowed to live in the palace. And the rules were simple and few.

Be back by her father's side by an hour after sundown.

It was an easy enough rule to follow. Of course, there were the unspoken rules, like the rules of etiquette that her mother had drilled into her, but those were hardly worth mentioning. In addition, as she was a child, there were few etiquette rules that she was truly expected to follow. Especially since the emperor seemed to like her, she was let off the hook every time she even remotely got into trouble.

Most times though, she wasn't looking for trouble. Like all young creatures, she was a curious, rather flighty thing and exploring the palace quickly became one of her favorite pastimes. The palace was full of books, architectural wonders, gardens- things that could keep you occupied for days on end. There were also the kitchens, one of her favorite there were also people there, and that was unpleasant at times.

It wasn't as though she wasn't sociable. Indeed, quite the opposite. However, when she was engrossed in a book, one could not disturb her for the world.

As for right now, our young heroine lay on her stomach on a stone bench shaded by one of the many peach trees in the garden. There was a reason there were so many peach trees, her father and mother had told her once, but she didn't particularly care about it. She did remember that she wasn't supposed to eat any of the peaches, but she was sure that nobody could truly mind her taking a peach a day- there were so many.

Of course, if someone saw her in this position, they would be aghast: a young lady should never be seen waving her legs in the air like that.

But it was hard to get comfortable in these kimonos that she was forced to wear. Thankfully, her parents being sensible, they allowed her to wear boys robes which were in the slightest bit more comfortable than girls. The obi was less wide, the robes were more loose and airy. Her robe did, however, have feminine altercations. It was hand-embroidered by swirls and flowers, and the base color of the robe was the lightest blue with cream outlining the sleeves, and a black obi tied around her waist.

It was helpful that she had made friends with the librarian. She was one of the few other than royalty who were allowed to take books outside of the musty library walls. As a condition, unspoken of course, nothing could ever damage the books she took out. So whenever she did eat her peace, she was extremely careful to ensure that the peach-juice did not drip on the delicate pages

Today was no exception.

She was currently reading a rather odd book that wrote of the qualities one must have to be a successful leader.

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are…" Matsuyo read aloud. She took a pause from her reading, set the scroll down and closed it, then took a bite of her peach. She tried to get comfortable and curled up on the bench. Raven colored locks of hair sprawled in stark contrast to white marble. The sun was extremely bright and she shaded her eyes by placing the hand that held the peach over her eyes.

A shadow loomed over her, one that had grown familiar to her during the time she had been staying there.

"And how do you feel about the author's viewpoints?" The voice was that of a child's.

Matsuyo did not even lift her hand from her face. She knew this voice. She had met him just days ago.

"I must say that I agree with him. Indeed, it is not true virtue, rather the appearance of being virtuous that will win the people over." Examples in history showed that charisma was one of the most important things in the making of a leader. Unwavering trust and faith, a little bit of luck, and a lot of charisma.

"... Do you believe in a harsh rule?" His voice was strained; world-weary. Her answer was his choice, because his mind and his heart were conflicting. A third party with a clear mind, someone who didn't know the circumstances- yet, this was so cruel. The final victim would be her, no matter what she chose.

The answer did not come quick, but it was well-worded and thought out. The conviction behind her opinion would change soon, and she would realize that there was an effect of every action. "I believe that every country needs a ruler with an iron fist. The ruler, whether it be king or queen, needs to assert their dominance so their country does not fall to a rebel group, nor will they seem shaky or reluctant in their power."

"What would you say if the ruler just wanted to be less than that?" Oh, how Kouen did not want to be Crown Prince. Ever since Hakuyuu and Hakuren had died, his world started to fall apart.

"Then I would say the ruler is a fool." This was a quick response, thrown from the tip of her tongue, and this one cut Kouen deep.

"What if, to prove themselves, they needed to kill?" Their conversation was straying closer to the inevitable truth, the one he didn't want her to know, but the one that she would know sooner rather than later.

Without deaths, revolutions would never happen, countries would never be formed, and life would not be worth living. Without the imminent threat of death, there was no point in the best life one could achieve. "It's a harsh fact, but sometimes, deaths need to happen."

"I-" Kouen nearly choked. Later, her would not be able to show remorse, and even now, he would be looked down upon if he did. "I see." The boy changed the topic. "You know you're not supposed to take books out of the library." The voice turned self-assured and rather condescending.

A smile came onto Matsuyo's face. "Kouen, you know that the librarian likes me. I can take books out from the library whenever I want, unlike you." Her feet swung from the marble seat, not touching the floor despite how low it was to the ground. He took a seat next to her, knees slanted downwards to reach the grass below.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that. And you know, you're not supposed to be eating those peaches either." Judal would be upset if he found out somebody was eating his peaches, but if he did try to hunt Matsuyo down, Kouen would prevent him from hurting her.

Abruptly, Matsuyo sat up and stomped her tiny sandaled feet on the ground. "Stop with the mysterious air. Why don't you tell me what position you hold already!"

"Why don't you ask other people?" It was a source of constant amusement for him that the girl refused to ask others about his status. He didn't tell her because he didn't want the dream to be over, for he was half-sure that when she found out he was the crown prince, she would turn into a figure similar to all of the attendants in the palace, and not see him for who her truly was.

"... Well that would be impolite, wouldn't it? I should wait for you yourself to tell me." She, too, was a little bit scared. Despite the fact that she liked to be alone, she did not like to be lonely, and more days than not, she found herself wanting to go back to the days when her mother and father showered her with attention. They had jobs now, important ones, and she would not disturb them. She was more responsible than that. If Kouen ended up being somebody important, and then ran off because he had work to do, she wasn't sure if she would be happy about that.

"The fact that you don't know who I am is rather insulting." Shouldn't all Kou citizens know the name of their crown prince? Their acquaintanceship was brief, and Matsuyo, being the rather odd girl she was did not know who Kouen was. She was smart, extremely so. But for the most part, she had no need for knowledge of those in the capital. Instead, the girl preferred to explore the various sciences, magic, and those odd things that kept popping up: dungeons. So for the life of her, though his name seemed so familiar, she could not seem to place it.

Matsuyo took another bite of her peach. "You can take one too you know. I doubt that anyone would get mad-or that anyone would notice.."

"I know one person that would get very mad indeed if he knew that you were taking from his peach tree."

"Who?"

"Ah-"

"Crown Prince Kouen! Your father the Emperor humbly requests your presence in his study!" A man-servant stood underneath the shaded archway that led back into the castle.

"...I see." She had enough manners to gather her wits back about her and bow. "Forgive my impertinence towards you that past few days."

"It is not necessary for you to act different towards me now that you know I am royalty."

"I beg to differ. Although I am a high ranking noble-man's daughter, even my father would not allow for such a disgrace for me to call Crown Prince Kouen by a single name." This would be her shame, and it would force her to study things that went on in the political world instead of focusing on her fantasy world. She would no longer be able to spend all of her times wondering about dungeons, about magic and the limitless excitement that came with them. Her parents had warned her that she should, but she hadn't listened. How quickly childhood is lost...

He was barely taller than her, surprising as he was almost a decade older than the young girl. He had not gone through puberty yet. And he hadn't been subjected to nearly as much strife as he would in the coming years. But perhaps the most important thing that made him act this way towards her was his loss. What is one supposed to act like when they lose all of their guidance in s single fell swoop? No matter how invincible and mighty one seems, loss can change their entire world in but a few moments.

Hakuyuu and Hakuren had once mentioned to him that he should find one trustworthy friend that he would be able to trust, one that wasn't a servant, one that wasn't a part of the family, one that wasn't a part of the army. They told him that having a single person to confide in could make all of the difference in how everyday life was approached. So he took a chance. He grabbed the scroll that lay by his side and started walking towards the servant.

"If you want this, meet me here. Next week. The same time." He strode off and walked down the hallway with purpose in his steps. Perhaps it didn't truly matter to him whether or not this girl would be his confidante; there were many choices in the palace, but for some reason, whenever he was in the girl's presence, all of his worries seemed to melt away.

Matsuyo took a deep breath, then sank down onto the bench. If she ever wanted to take another book from the library, she would need that scroll back. She bemoaned her loss. Of course, like all young children, she didn't trouble herself over it long. She picked herself up and wandered back to her room to change into her riding gear.

It was time to take Chrysanthemum out.

* * *

As soon as her mother and father had come here, her father set about finding a foal that would grow up alongside her. He found it an absolute necessity that she learn how to groom and care for the beast on her own. Their teachings were all to make Matsuyo self-sufficient as quickly as possible.

The foal had been nameless. It wasn't unwanted, per se, rather it wasn't exactly known. Most high-ranking officials had horses of their own, and the only ones who knew about the foal were the stable hands who were too wary to name the foal themselves.

Her coat was darker even than Matsuyo's own hair. It was so black, it truly seemed like nothingness. Her hair was always properly groomed as well, so the black hair shone brightly. The only part of it that wasn't black were it's ears. At the very tip of her ears, there was a small sliver of white.

Like most days Matsuyo spent in the stable, she spent five or so minutes socializing with the stable hands, asking if any new foals had been born, if there seemed to be anything wrong with any of the horses.

The stable hands had gotten used to her near constant presence. While at first, they treated her much like they would treat the majority of nobility: with reverence. They now knew she was genuine in her offers and that she wouldn't mind if they had to go running off. In fact, since Matsuyo had so frequently offered, many stable hands used her as a helping hand if there was a person sick.

Today was no different than any other day. After helping with what needed to be done around the stables, she set about taking care of her own horse.

She set out some oats and kept a few apples in her riding satchel as a treat for the both of them. Then she set about brushing the sleek hair.

The two had formed a close bond within the past month or so that Matsuyo had been at the palace. While Chrysanthemum had never been an ill-mannered horse, working with her was rather troublesome as she was mischievous. But she was utterly responsive and caring to Matsuyo. She gave her playful nudges when she stopped brushing, whinnied when she wanted some more food.

It was a truly great relationship. Both the owner and horse loved each other dearly.

After almost an hour of grooming and giving food, it was time for their daily exercise. Like all children, Matsuyo found some of her happiest times when she was outside playing. She was rather anti social. It wasn't to say that she didn't enjoy others companies when they came to her, but rather she enjoyed being by herself frequently.

Soon, dusk came, and after an hour she found herself by her father's side once more. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were set in a tight line.

"Is there anything wrong father?"

"Yes. There have been death threats on Queen Gyokuen, and rage amongst the public is constantly increasing. Tensions are running high… But don't worry. Papa will protect you and your mother." There was a gleam in his eyes that Matsuyo couldn't place. She was good at reading emotions, had trained herself ever since she found it helpful in meeting people. It made her able to distinguish whether people were out to harm her, to see whether they liked her or not, and continue her actions from what she saw in their eyes.

Matsuyo stared into her father's eyes again, trying to discern whatever odd emotion he held there. There was more than those threats bothering him. Much more. But at the time, she didn't know that what he was thinking about would affect her life so deeply. But for her father, she smiled. "You're right. Everything will be fine. Since mama's birthday is coming up, can we go to the marketplace and buy her a present?"

The tension on her father's face dissipated and he smiled fondly at her. "Of course. We should hurry- we don't want to miss dinner."

In the marketplace they passed various stalls, selling everything from paper to jewels. One particular stall caught her eye. They were selling little pieces of jewelry, probably imitations. However, there was one necklace that seemed perfect. It was a small gold chain, the perfect size for her mother's neck, with a little flat pendant with an etching of the tree of life on it.

"Papa, can we get this one?"

He took the necklace down from the stand and motioned the shopkeeper over. "We'll take this one please." Then turned to Matsuyo and asked, "Do you want anything?" Understand that this was actually a pretty rare occurrence. Being the 'sensible' people they were, her parents rarely spent money on anything that wasn't necessary and rarely treated themselves unless a significant event was coming up. Matsuyo's green eyes sparkled. She ran through the stalls, looking for something that she liked. In one of the stalls, she happened upon a simple silver ring, too big for her to wear now. Keeping in mind that her hands would grow, she estimated that she could fit this size ring on her index finger once she grew older. It had no jewels on it, but a simple design etched into it. An infinity sign.

"May I get this one papa?" She asked.

Once again, he simply walked up to the shopkeeper and paid for the jewelry.

They walked hand in hand back to the palace, where they currently resided. The mood was heavy, and as Matsuyo looked up at her father, her father's eyes looked tired and sad. She said nothing. After all, when one truly has grievances on one's mind, sometimes you must overcome them alone to have full closure(and god, would she learn that in the coming month. She would learn that she was wrong in that belief, that sometimes no matter how much time passed, wounds of the heart would never be able to heal. Hearts were so fragile.)

* * *

Three days later, she met Prince Kouen again while she was in the stables. They fell into step next to each other, not questioning the other. Matsuyo had not forgotten about the scroll, but that could be addressed at a later date.

Kouen broke the silence. "I've been reading up one this language called Tran." He pulled out a couple up scrolls from a bag he was carrying. After their initial meeting, Matsuyo had barely thought about the boy, focusing on what could be giving her father so much grief. She never did wonder why he seeked her company. Probably just because he wanted a companion. Being the first prince of an ever growing nation, he was surrounded by false promises and cutthroat politics. Perhaps he simply thought that a young girl would not betray his trust. Or perhaps he thought that since she was a young girl, even if he was to confide to her, no one would listen. Both were true.

However, Matsuyo was never one to turn down a chance to learn something new. "Can you teach me?" Kouen gave her a curt nod.

"Chrysanthemum, girl, I'll finish grooming you later OK? Maybe father will come with me to groom you." The black horse lowered her head and softly nickered. Matsuyo reached up to the horse that was just taller than her and hugged her neck.

They walked around for a little, settling under the shade of a secluded tree. When Kouen rolled the scrolls out on the grass he began to teach Matsuyo what little he knew of the language. She picked it up very quickly and began to see a trend in what each figure meant. Most subjects literary based, she was excellent at, though sometimes it seemed as though her simple logic skills were painfully lacking.

Working together, they were able to partially transcribe around half of each of the three scrolls he had in an hour. Matsuyo started a conversation.

"Do you not have duties to attend to?"

"Well, I do have a meeting later. Something about executing the person who has been making death threats on the queen." He felt a twinge of guilt, but guilt was something that shouldn't be allowed. It wasn't his fault; she had said that rulers needed to rule with a fist of iron herself. Besides, if she couldn't stand it, wasn't she unworthy to be his confidante anyways? Anybody associated with him had to be strong, so strong that they could withstand the force of nations converging upon them.

"Oh. How do you feel about that?" It was the same topic her father had brought up, and she wondered if it was such an important thing that the only two people who talked to her about that kind of stuff in the palace sounded very involved in these 'death threats'. She had met both the emperor and the empress before(and she wondered how she hadn't made the connection between the Emperor and his son; their vibrant red hair was one of the most notable calling cards around), and they were both kind to her. The Empress was too kind to her, kind in ways that made her feel uncomfortable, but she did not see how a woman like that could have so many death threats that it became a problem palace wide.

"Quite honestly, I don't believe just one person should shoulder the blame of all of the death threats. Father will probably take the person of the highest status and order them to be killed." Kouen sighed and let his back rest on the earth. Matsuyo joined him, gazing up at the cloudless blue sky.

A strange stirring in the bottom of her stomach made her feel weary. This topic… her father… Nothing would happen to them. Her father was friends with the emperor, both he and her mother were good, hardworking people. They had all of the common sense she was lacking. Matsuyo squeezed her eyes shut and didn't notice the glance that Kouen directed at her.

"Why is Tran important anyways?" Matsuyo asked, keeping up the conversation.

"Well, there are Tran villages all around the world who have monuments that have these characters on it. And I feel like in the near future, it will be relevant, you know?"

"So it's a gut feeling, huh."

"More than that. There's also the fact that my stepmother, Empress Gyokuen recommended that I read them." Again, it was that woman.

With her brief encounters of the imperial family, Gyokuen felt the most out of place to her. Actually, out of place was the wrong phrase to use. There was something about her aura that didn't seem to sit right with Matsuyo. The people wearing cloaks that she frequently talked to only increased Matsuyo's suspicions as well. Her honey sweet smile and her overly sweet gestures for her stepsons creeped her out.

* * *

Eventually, they had to leave one another. Matsuyo maneuvered herself to her parents apartments in the palace. After learning so much, she was eager to share the information with both her mother and father.

But she didn't end up sharing it with them. They were not in their apartments. Only a note was left behind on the wooden table, and the chambers felt empty with her mother's smile and her father's laughter. The warmth that came from the kitchen when she came back after sundown was nowhere to be found.

The note left behind was:

Our dear Matsuyo,

We will be back next week. Currently your father and I are away on urgent business. Be sure to be back in our apartments before sundown each day. There is money on your pillow and in the kitchen there should be a meal that I cooked for you. It's your favorite!

Sorry for leaving so abruptly.

Have a great time,

Mother and Father

And so, over the course of the next week, Matsuyo traveled the palace on her own. Every single day she went out, she either found the prince, or he found her. And, like most kids, they became fast friends, bonding over nothing and everything. A relationship built on trust and knowledge. A friendship that caused both of them great joy.

After a week passed, when Matsuyo arrived at the apartments, her mother was a sobbing mess and her father looked grief stricken, like the world was about to end. Her hands clenched into balls, and an uncomfortable emotion filled her heart, making her feel like she was drowning in the tub, but without the soothing warmness of the water.

"What's wrong?" Matsuyo jumped into action, trying to help them in any way possible.

"My darling," Her mother looked at her father. "You know that you were adopted by us, right?"

"Yes," Matsuyo replied. It was a fact, and it had not affected her much. Her parents were the two standing in front of her, not any other. They were the ones she would love, no matter who else appeared in her life, claiming to be her birth mother or father.

Smiling sadly, her parents handed her a box filled with items. "We'd like you to go through the contents of this box tomorrow. We trust that you won't look until then, or, until… Well, you'll know when it's time to open it."

Now thoroughly confused, her parents sent her off to bed with a tear-stained hug and a kiss on her forehead. But it would all be over by tomorrow, she was sure. After all, tomorrow was her mother's birthday.

She woke late.

It was five hours after noon. How could she possibly have slept that long?

She checked under her pillow and around her room. There were sleeping herbs in every place imaginable.

Something was wrong. Far too wrong.

It was dead silent within the halls. Normally she could just pass it off as the nobes sleeping in late. But she knew in her gut that something was wrong.

"Mom? Dad? Are you there?" She called out into the various apartment rooms.

The bells started to ring. The bells of the Kou Empire was a signal to gather in the courtyard. Matsuyo obliged. She quickly dressed in easy to put on clothing, though most likely this style of clothing would be looked down upon.

In the courtyard, there was a circle surrounding two people whose faces she couldn't make out from her far distance. She could tell though, that one had red hair; one of the Kou royalty.

As she approached closer and closer, she realized that the one facing her was Kouen. His eyes seemed to hold sympathy for the bound man in front of him. He looked around the crowd briefly and found Matsuyo. For a moment, he held her gaze, but he looked away first and refused to meet her eyes again. She had said herself that this was how royalty should be; how they should rule.

What was going on? Matsuyo wriggled against others trying to get a better view, and the crowd seemed to part for her, murmuring their condolences. She got ever closer. The man- he was her father. Bound in rope with a cut dripping blood down his face, he was on his knees.

"Pick up the sword Kurosaki. Fight if you want to live." The emperor intoned. "We are giving you a chance to survive, even though you are the one who has been making death threats on Empress Gyokuen. Be grateful for this."

Matsuyo was so close, approaching the outer ring of people, struggling to get a better view.

"If you beat my son with that sword, we will not have you killed for this crime. Instead, you and your family must leave the empire. However, this is also Prince Kouen's chance to prove himself in front of his kingdom. He must be able to fight. He must be able to kill. Now that you know these facts, the match may begin."

The ropes binding her father were released.

"Run father! Now!" Matsuyo cried.

Instead, he picked up the sword.

"I will fight for my beliefs, for I believe that Queen Gyokuen is a tumor to this country. Nothing good will come if she reigns over the Kou empire. Therefore, I will fight." Her father stated.

Kouen took his sword out of his sheath. Quickly, with assured steps, he moved forward to make a slash. Kurosaki moved to parry. They exchanged blows for a period of time when one of the advisers called out to Kouen to finish playing around. Kouen disarmed Matsuyo's father and took the finishing blow. Matsuyo remembered speaking to some of the other nobles who fawned over Kouen's swordsmanship, proclaimed him a master of it. She remembered the few lessons she had taken, the fond look that came over the instructor's eyes whenever Kouen was mentioned in a conversation.

"No!" The yell ripped through the courtyard, ringing so loudly that it made Matsuyo's head ring. The blade clearly cut through…

Her mother?

No… no… NO!

How could he be so heartless? The blood lined the blade and her adoptive mother's silver hair was mixed with her own blood and the dirt on the floor. Her mother; kind, accepting, logical, sensible… Why? Why was Kouen having a death match with her father?

Why did her mother interfere?

The 'No' that rang out in the courtyard was not her's though, rather it was her father's. Matsuyo had instead collapsed onto her knees, barely being able to see the match, barely being able to keep the world straight. She was so numb that she didn't tremble, no she could not even produce any moisture in her eyes. "Continue the match." The emperor barely shifted in the golden seat that had been brought out for him. A wrinkled hand rested on Gyokuen's pale youthful one.

They didn't even move her mother's body. No, they let the blood flow through the little cracks of the floor. Unable to tear her eyes from the scene in front of her, she watched in mute horror as the glistening swords clashed, little droplets of blood being flung this way and that. There was no hesitation on either side.

Kouen swiftly incapacitated her father as well, his fatal wound through his ribcage. There was a flicker of some kind of emotion in his eyes, but it was wiped from his face within moments of looking at Gyokuen. His jaw was set, stance resolute. He did not dare look at Matsuyo, clutching a brown paper bag in her hands, blood mixed with dirt covering her hands and dress.

The crowd quickly dispersed, Matsuyo was left alone in the courtyard. They left with grimaces on their faces, but a giggle in the back of their throats. Her parents death had amused them. She found herself unable to care about what they thought, heart filling up with grief. She wished they would live still, but the deepest part of her mind, the logic, the sense, it tolde her that they would not be able to survive, and even if a healer was able to, they would not impart any life-saving cure on them.

What a cruel world they lived in.

Matsuyo was holding her dying father's hand after she had moved her mother's body closer to her father's. Her body felt heavy, but not the heavy that she felt after she had exercised, not the kind of heavy she got when she was reprimanded. This was different, and she didn't know what it was.

"..Suyo… Travel… Find the place where… you belong." He made a final attempt at smiling before one of the hands that she was holding onto so dearly went limp. Matsuyo held both of their hands, trying to never let them go.

"Mama! Papa! Don't leave me! … No… Mama, today is your birthday. I got a necklace for you… It's really pretty. Papa bought it with me…" Her mind told her it was useless to hold on to her Papa's hand, because he would not come back to life. Focus on the living, a voice told her.

She took the necklace out of the envelope and held her mother's shaking hands, eyes nearly closed. The picture did not look right at all; the pristine white-silver of Mama's hair was dirty with mud, and the streaks of brown-red in it were more suited to her father's short cropped hair.

"Mama, wouldn't you really like this? Isn't it pretty?" Matsuyo placed it in her mom's hand, closing her fingers tight around it. No matter how hard she tried, the fingers always opened back up again, a plead.

Her mother, who had not been hit in as fatal a spot, smiled, blue eyes getting hazy. She was dying from blood loss. This girl, who she loved more than any other little girl in the world, did not deserve to know tragedy this early. Later she would understand that she and her husband were fighting for her, but right now, her heart told her mind that it was a horrible decision to die like this, in such a selfish way.

Pushing the delicate piece of metal, now stained with little traces of blood, back into her daughter's hands, she said, "Keep it… Grow, see the world…" and her breathing became more and more labored.

"We love you. We always will. Sorry, but I have to go with Papa now…" The second hand slid out of her grip. Her hand fell to the ground and found its way to her husband's. Ever faithful, she would never wonder whether they would have survived on their own.

"No… no.. no.." Matsuyo murmured it like a mantra.

Two people came down from the palace. "We must take away the bodies and clean." they said. They wore white veils over their faces, so she could not see their faces. Matsuyo did not need to see their voices to know they were not saddened by her Mama and Papa's death. If they were, their voices would be cracking, hands shaking, respectful. They were not any of that, but then again, she no longer had any of those symptoms either.

Matsuyo stared mournfully up at them. She gazed back down at her parents, closed their eyes, and tightened their hands' grips on each other. The flashing of silver on her father's left hand made her look to her mother's left hand, where a similar band still shone brightly. In the recesses of her mind, she wondered why tradition was like that, to have a ring on the same side of the body, when the rings should be able to touch each other when the couple held hands. Nothing felt right now, in this reality she did not want to face.

The scent of coppery blood brought her back from dreams and hopes that would never come true now. Was this what they were so worried about or all that time? Could she have prevented it? If she didn't sleep in, could she have-

No. The past was the past, and just as her father said, there was no point in thinking of unnecessary things. Look only to the future. Matsuyo couldn't though, and a little worm of darkness wedged itself into her heart, tearing her heart at the seam.

The two people took the bodies away, but Matsuyo still sat there, wallowing in her parents blood. She sat their for an hour after the sun went down and looked up at the starry sky. Her voice was not shaky as she said, "Father… I'm always supposed to return to your side at this time… But now… I suppose you can't return to mine." Her heart was too tired to allow any excess energy to go towards the making of tears. Her lips tilted upwards in a sad smile.

She got up and walked away.

* * *

Back in her apartments, she found a servant.

"Matsuyo-sama, the royal family wishes to have dinner with you."

"Do they now." Again, she smiled faintly. "I suppose I should begin to prepare then…"

She changed out of her clothes and bathed. outwardly, her appearance was calm and composed; abnormal for a five year old who just watched their parents get murdered by their friend. On the inside, she was confused, lost, she didn't know what she was doing. But she still went through with all of her actions as if nothing was wrong.

The kimono she had was a bright, almost neon blue with gold embroideries. No black, even though she should have been in mourning. The servant that was helping her had only the boldest pieces of jewelry and accessories with her. It was as if they were taunting her, making fun of her.

She went down to dinner. Her seat was near the end of the table, where the younger siblings the table, there was a beautiful spread of food. Fruit from every country you could imagine, flame broiled meat, delicacies that cost a fortune.

"Now that your parents are gone, I implore you to stay at the castle." Fifteen minutes into the meal, the emperor addressed her. "Though your parents were trouble makers, I'm sure you won't be. I would love to have you as a daughter in-law. Perhaps a marriage with Koumei?"

"I'm sorry Emperor Koutoko, but if possible, I would like to travel the world to fulfill a promise. After all," remembering her promise with Kouen, "I am one who always makes promises with the intent to keep them." I glanced at Kouen who had transformed into a mute statue.

"I apologize for the terrible threat that my family had made to you, Empress Gyokuen. I could never hope to atone for their sins, therefore, I believe it is best to do as the emperor said in the beginning of the match: to leave Kou. Again, I am sorry if this seems impertinent to you." I bowed my head, not daring to meet anyone's eyes.

"Raise your head, my child." She did so, pretty green eyes docile and lady like, grace of a woman far beyond her years. Gyokuen was reminded of the saying 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'.

"Know that you will always be welcomed back to our kingdom if need be. Like I said before, I think you're an astonishing young lady that would make the perfect pair with any one of my sons." Koutoko was a hearty man, not stupid at all. He knew that Hong's were respectable and would not do things without reason, but his country had to be appeased, his wife had to be appeased.

"You really are a splendid girl, Matsuyo." Blue eyes shined with ill-hid delight. The queen felt like the slick black oil that Matsuyo often handled to read at night. Reflective in the right light, heavy and dark, useful, and impossible to get rid of. Her gaze was ever-present, ever-knowing.

Matsuyo excused herself early. "I've actually heard that my son Kouen and you get along very well."

Cue a beatific smile from Matsuyo. "Have you? I did hope that we were getting along well, but I suppose-" Matsuyo was a good actor. The same emotions that she was able to reaad were the same ones she could produce. She gave a glance at Kouen and inclined her head, though he was not looking up to meet her eyes. "Excuse me, but my heart bleeds from the betrayal of those who I thought I could trust, and I wish to rest before going on my journey." Matsuyo made it so her tone seemed to be implying her parents.

"I'm sure today must have been difficult for you regardless," Gyokuen cooed. "Go ahead and get some rest, you may be dismissed." She then passed by Kouen, placed a hand on his shoulder, and smiled. "Thank you."

Thank you for killing my parents, the only people who loved me, who found me a place somewhere I belong.

Thank you for seeming heartless as you did it, with no remorse for your actions.

Thank you for giving me a reason to not be your friend anymore.

Thank you for killing my trust in you.

Thank you.

Kouen did not watch her as she left the room, but his ears were so finely tuned to her steps, her breath, because she had been his friend. The weight of her hand was worth that of a thousand words, a thousand apologies that would never soothe the broken-heartedness that they both now experienced. Later that night, when he was all alone, he would clutch his shoulder and shake.

After packing her bags she looked upon the room again. In the corner there was the box that her parents had given her the day prior. Her heart was not ready to open it, but reason whispered to her, and she lifted the trunks black kid with gold filigree around the edges, an M in the middle of the circle. The first thing that greeted her was a letter.

To Matsuyo, our beloved daughter

This trunk was left with you when you were a child. Instead of being left on a doorstep you were left in the middle of a field with no one for miles. It was simply chance that we were walking on the plains that day, and I doubt anyone would have found you otherwise. This was soon after your father and I figured out that I could not conceive, and we desperately wanted a child. If we had not found you, we most likely would have adopted another child.

We have yet to look through the contents of this trunk as we believed it was your right to at least see what was left to you first. Your father and I suggest you travel the world after our probable deaths today. Of course if we don't die today, we would love to travel the world with you. The starting point of your journey should be the parthevian empire. You can start elsewhere but we suggest to start here and travel through other large empires and kingdoms then explore the wonders of the small nations.

It is curious how the Parthevian empire grew so large so fast which is one of the reasons we want you to explore it.

Love,

Mother and father

Tears finally formed in Matsuyo's eyes the only family she ever knew was murdered by one of her only friends. Right now she could not bear to look at the rest of the contents of the box. She needed time, and lots of it.

She swiftly packed up her bags with essentials: food, comfortable clothing, money. Matsuyo also changed out of her extravagant clothing, instead donning loose white pants with slits from an inch above her knee to mid calf that would allow her to move freely and a light green shirt made from the same fabric as her pants.

Just like her parents had asked her, she would travel to Parthevia.

In the dark of night she got on her father's black steed, leaving just two letters behind. One was simple thank you to the emperor and his empress, another to the librarian whom she so frequently saw, also a thank you for all she had done for her. Nothing was left for Kouen. If he hadn't realized the impact of what he had done, there was no point in communicating with him anyways.

She wanted to be out of Kou before dawn broke.

* * *

Old AN

This is actually a story i started writing about a year and a half ago, so if the writing style is not up to par, whoops. Also, I sort of wanted to but sort of didn't want to include the letter I put in there. I also had a letter that she wrote to Kouen, but ti didn't fit so I just got rid of it. If you do want me to post what happened in the letters she wrote to the Emperor and Gyokuen and the librarian, review/pm me and I might include it as an omake.

See, the only other problem with me starting a story is, is that now I don't know which one I'm actually going to update. I like having option, but I'll probably only update two of my fanfics a week at max. I should probably put up a new chapter of Exception soon...

As always, I love reviews, follows and favorites because they encourage me to continue. I typically try to take the reviews into consideration to better my writing and or change some things in the story so they are appreciated a lot. If you don't want to review, you can PM me instead.

New An: I rewrote parts of this story, but left it the same for the majority. A reviewer mentioned that there were many unrealistic elements and when I reread it, I saw that they were right. Horribly right. Still, I kept the some of the story that didn't make sense in, like having Matsuyo have dinner with the emperor and empress. I tried to tone down the friendship between Kouen and Matsuyo.

To the reviewer Guestie: You were right that this is very…. Well… I don't even have the words. I've tried to improve it, but I couldn't bring myself to cut the dinner scene, at least, not now. As for the nature of Gyokuen and Koutoko: I personally don't see Koutoko as all that bad. He definitely has some horrible aspects to him, such as negligence and cruelty, but I prefer to think of him as a man who has just gotten wrapped up in Gyokuen's web. If she was never in Kou(more specifically, the one that's possessing her, but I won't give too much away for the ones that aren't caught up with the storyline) I don't think Koutoko would have been such a seemingly shitty character.

If I ever rewrite this story officially, it will end up being very different than it is currently. As for a love triangle, I'm fairly sure that that isn't my intention. Muu, Sinbad, and Kouen will pop up in the story and have prominent roles, but I don't think that Matsuyo will end up with any of them (I'm toeing the line; I'm not so sure, but for sure it won''t be a triangle). I like torturing my OCs so that they have the worst lives possible :)


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